i want to be bullied
I've been thinking about how sometimes when your friends tease you, say jokes that could be hurtful in another context, or make you the subject of some contrived situation or question. I've found I never resist or counter.
I was on the bus thinking about this. I think its because to hurt someone, you need to know something about them. The same way hate is not the opposite of love but just a different flavour of care. To know ones enemy is to know thine self and what not. I think my desperation for connection, intimacy, love, makes me see thigs that could be seen negatively as something of a reward. Like a masochist deriving pleasure from pain, I turn the attention, however its posed, into affection.
To push someone down in most cases requires a sense of responsibility. To take ownership of your actions, or to be seeking some goal that is not made apparent by the smallness of the actions. Whether to make someone break, change them into something else, or to portray them as something else to others, requires planning and care that is filled with more love than simply being apathetic to the target's existence. And therefore is it so crazy that someone starved of attention, care, love, would twist this and any kind of interaction into something desired, as a reward for their behaviour, and to then be perhaps uncharacteristically stun locked by the sudden 'attention'.
Talking I can do, but playful teasing or bullying... that I still don't know how to react correctly to.