suicide post mortem 7 days on
i failed. which hurts. that i couldn’t do it. shima left for a few days. it was lonely. it was hard.
i wonder if its better to have no options now. nothing i would choose at least. starve. hypothermia. sleep deprivation. car. jump. when i feel so hurt or so much pain. i have no where to look. no future to desire and hold.
i cant say its ok. get through this. we can always just die if its too hard. i have no nice options. that makes it hard. that makes it feel desperate. the pressure harder. more intense.
i’m returning to life. but life still sucks. things are picking up again. the summer is over. i am not ready. and i am scared.
it hurts now. maybe more than before. i’m scared now. because as twisted as it may be. death was a comforting thought. one that can no longer give me any solace.