twisted affirmations
we just finished our session with our psychologist. it was the usual. i dont know if i'm meant to have this much fun. its always nice to talk to someone. i dont think its very therapy like. if anything though its a good little safety net. a check in point. i say a lot of stuff i find it hard to talk with other people about. even my fp.
I told him about gaslighting myself out of bpd or whether indulging in negative thoughts is gaslighting myself into bpd. i dont think gaslight is the right word, but itll do.
I told him about imagining partners. like headmates he asked. I asked if it was normal. he said he couldn't do it. he tried one time after hearing how another client could do it but he cant. maybe i need to do more research.
i guess thats nice. a bit of affirmation. but at the same time terrifying.
I asked google. reddit said its probably an OSDD thing. but the feelings. the connection to my headmate. thats bpd.
it must be so lonely to have bpd and not osdd if thats the case. im not alone. shima and shin are with me. and that comforts me. while i wait. and watch. and live.